It was announced today that a Karma Laboratory in the Genesis section of Suburbia was the scene of a massacre that left 8 scientists and 19 Security guards dead.  Dr. Kristofasen of the Genesis Labs had this to say about the killings, 'Although we are still investigating the crime at the moment, we believe that the cause of the deaths was a deranged Ebb-user in some kind of statement against our work here.  Unfortunately, he was exterminated at the scene of the crime and so we will never know his true intentions.'
  Still remembered for the breakout of test subjects last year, this
second disaster at the Genesis labs has worried many local residents,
although Dr. Kristofasen informed us that the recently upgraded security
safeguards would prevent any repeat of last years accident from happening again. -Monica Weathers, SCL 7C, Mort Times
 
 

  Officials claim to be baffled by a strange outbreak of  vandalism at the
arboretum yesterday.
  The usual peace and quiet of arboretum, a 14 block area of wood and parkland in Uptown sector 2, was shattered when a Shaktar dug a 3 foot deep 8 ft long trench in the main lawn. He then washed himself off in the ornamental fountain, causing the pump to become blocked and burn out.
  He was confronted by Percy T, one of  4 full time gardeners who maintain the popular leisure spot, but walked away, getting into a top of the range Augustus stretched limo. "What you expect me to take on something that big armed with a set of pinking shears. I don't think so. I'm a gardener not some KMS graduate." - Percy T 
  The Shaktar, as yet unidentified, is believed to be a visiting dignitary.
Department of Parks and Gardens state it will take some time to repair the damage to the lawn and under soil watering system, and ask visitors to the area to observe the keep of the grass signs in the area. -Ras, SCL 8A, Channel 4 News
 
 

  Following on the heels of FLC, Dark Teutonic Designs released their winter collection of weapons.  The new designs fell on def ears, as DTD begins to do damage control over the loss of revenue expected to come. 
  Roger Simmons, PR for DTD, was quoted saying, "I am shocked by the lack of response from the public."  With DTD leaving GASH early last week, this may be a killing blow for the young company.  As winter Warfare progresses, we'll have to see if DTD is amongst the victims. -Regulus, SCL 8A, Mort Times
 
 

  Eclipse is a very special mining world. Special because of the planet
appearance and special because of its population.
  Eclipse is a barren planet devoid of atmosphere and surrounded by a
dangerous asteroid belt called the Abyss. This belt is the reason for the many eclipses that gave the planet its name. It also make flying to the planet very dangerous.
  However going through Abyss is not exactly worth the trip. Eclipse is no paradise. All the mining activity on Eclipse is controlled from a complex named the Hold. Before the mining of Eclipse started the Hold was a prison. And that is the interesting point of this planet. Most of the miners working on
Eclipse are convicts. This brilliant idea allow the mining of this dangerous planet to go on without risking the life of worthy honest miners. Under the Hold the many tunnels of the mining networks cover thousands of miles. This web of tunnels, called the Warrens, is where the scum of the World Of Progress is paying its debt to the society, with its sweat and blood.
  As you see, even if Eclipse is no place for the honest citizen of the World of Progress, it is a sort of recycling plant that transforms criminals into useful tools. -Francois Lalande, SCL 7D, Mort Times
 

     Alien Sex Channel
10 pm Animate Feature: Tentacle Terror Strikes Again
11 pm Spanking Love
12 pm The Dr. R’th show

    MSN
10 pm Speed Ball, Raw Messiahs vs. Baroque
11 pm Carrien Mud Wrestling
12 pm SLA Football League, Dante Warmongers vs. Borea Snow

  SCTV
10 pm Slasame Street
11 pm Interrogating Goldie
12 pm TeleStormers

   SHSC
10 pm FITT Jeans 5
11 pm A&A Innovations
12 pm Swords from F. Lieber Company

   SIC TV 
10 pm Killing Things For Money 
11 pm Highlights of this weeks Gore Zone 
12 pm New weapons by Dark Teutonic Designs
 
 

Quill, SCL 9, Mort Times
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Each week we look at one of many people who live and work in the World of Progress.

This week: The Pizza Boy
=========

MT: Name?
CS: Charlie Symonds

MT: What do you do?
CS: I delivery pizza for the Secret Pizza, pizza company.

MT: How do you like working there?
CS: It good. I don't get paid much, but we have to deliver pizza all over Mort, so I get to see all sorts of neat things.

MT: What's the neatest thing you have ever seen?
CS: Well, there was this call from an Ops group called Resident Chaos.  They were out in the middle of Cannibal Sector 2 and one of their members named Odenn, called for an extra large pepperoni pizza with extra Rush.  Well, we loaded it down with 4 doses of Rush, lots of pepperoni and off I went.  SHIVERS don't even hassle us anymore when we ask to be let in.  Any ways, in I drive my little scooter and sure enough, there's the Ops squad pinned down by a bunch of Dark Nights.  The DN shot my scooter up a bit, but I got Odenn his pizza, still piping hot.  He scarfed the entire pizza down in seconds, stood up, ran over to the Dark Nights and kick the snot out of them.  Afterwards, the entire team signed my scooter where the bullets hit it, paid for the pizza and gave me a 100uni tip!  They were awesome.

MT: Sounds like you enjoy delivering pizza.
CS: Only to Ops, they tip really good, when they're out there in a cannibal sector or down in the sewers and get really hungry.

MT: You mentioned earlier, that your scooter got shot up.  Does that happen all the time?
CS: Not all the time, but quite often. A lot of times, it's the Ops your delivering pizza to, because they just don't believe our company would delivery the pizza.  Some think it's a joke, but our boss is very emphatic about us delivering anywhere.

MT: How often do you have to get new scooters?  I'd imagine that such treatment would be harsh on them.
CS: Not as often as you'd think.  They have run flat tires, a carbon fiber engine case and gasoline tank cover.  The entire scooter is a kevlar and teflon mix that helps to prevent damage to the scooter.  All in all, it would take quite a lot to stop it.  Plus we have some really good mechanics that help keep them in good repair. *grins*

MT: Sounds like you vehicles are in good hands.  How much are your pizzas any ways?
CS: Depends on what you want on them.

MT: Meaning?
CS: Well, Odenn wanted Rush on his.  I've had to deliver pizza with tin cans, condoms, rings, drugs, animal parts, plants, electronic parts and lots of other really weird stuff.  If they want it, we put it on it and deliver.

MT: Condoms?
CS: Well, we don't put a lot of the stuff on, till after the pizza is done cooking, but yes, I deliver about two of these a week to Ops.  Mostly ones that got lucky at the Pit and forgot to get a condom before going. *shrug* Not my place to ask question, so I just deliver it and rake in huge tips. *smiles again*

MT: Well, thank you for your time.
CS: Your welcome, would you like anchovies on that?

  A 75,000 Uni reward is being offered for any information leading to the arrest of Eft Estampida.  Eft is a blonde, human who wears a red trench coat, sunglasses and carries a Blitzer.

  A high level Serial Killer activity in downtown sector 284D.  Civilians are strongly urged to lock windows and doors at all times.  It appears several serial killers are trying to out do each other in a macabre test of skills.
 
 

This weeks winning numbers are: 
7 2 3 2 0 3 6 4 

Jackpot is current 2,588,354u

5 numbers = free ticket. 
            Odds of winning 1 in 32,768
6 numbers = 10u.
            Odds of winning 1 in 262,144
7 numbers = 1000u.
            Odds of winning 1 in 2,097,152
8 numbers = jackpot.
            Odds of winning 1 in 16,777,216
 
 

HI Love goddess.
I need some advice, I am 32 years old and I live in a an apartment I share with my Mum and Dad.  I work for Stryer, INC. as a salesman, and I meet a lot of people every
day but I'm finding it really hard to meet Ms Right.  In fact I have never had a girl friend.  How can I meet more women?

Desperate.

=-=-=-=

Well Desperate,
If after that long no one wants you, then you have to start wondering why?
Let me give you some pointers...

32.
Still living with your parents.
Working as a salesman for Stryer INC., don't they make soap and toilet cleaner?

No wonder you are still alone. Get out man.
Get a life. Find yourself a bachelor pad you can take the girls back to.  Get a complete make over, spend some of that hard earned money on making yourself look good.
Try New-U they have outlets all over uptown and you will walk out a completely different man than the one that walks in.

Love Goddess

  Ads remain for one month, to get yours posted please call or fax 08-LHEARTS.

  Famous Cute Male Experienced SLAop Ebon seeks similar female for Friendship and socializing. Smoker. Interested in self improvement. Applications should be made in writing including a photo to PObox A, A.V.S. 23 Bexter Street, Suburbia sector 32.

  Wanted: One nice probably male, if such things, apply A.I. for fun and socializing with a similar, sort of, female ZX80 A.I. Respond to well Mags, pretty much any where on the CYNET3. This better Fucking work.
 
 

  Do you have what it takes to be a Shiver? Contact you local Shiver Station to apply. Great Pay, good benefits and job security. Help protect Mort and serve SLA Industries. Shiver Station and SLA Industries are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

  Injured?  Auto Accidents.  How much is my claim worth?  Who will pay my medical bills and lost wages?  Should I give a statement to the insurance adjuster?  Can I recover for all the pain I suffered?  Call for FREE phone information.  Fuller & Fuller, Attorneys at Law, 02-347-4878

  News reporters needed. If you have a story, we want to print it.  Serious inquiries only. Contact Eric Larsen at 03-129-4729 

  Got an Idea? Jury rigged a gadget that you just can't live without? Think some one else might feel the same? A&A Innovations are looking for new and novel gadgets, trinkets and Ideas for commercial sale. Any concepts appreciated, all ideas considered regardless of how silly they may sound (Just look at out catalogue) Good rates paid and an option of payment methods. Contact Mags@AAI.cynet.mt for details.

  Serve the Monarch Police and protect your community. Specialized training, career options and plenty of opportunities for advancement is only a phone call away. Contact your local Monarch Police Station and help end the violence.

  Got a dent in your Battle Taxi? SCAF flying upside down? Augustus won't start? AVS 32 Bexter st, sector 23. Reasonable rates for SLA ops. 24hr response available, Jobs done quickly and quietly. 06-AVS-1234

  Do you have what it takes to make money, survive and claim the admiration of your fellow man. "Shooting Things For Money" is looking for you! Contact Gore zone at 07-STF-MONEY.