A new band of serial killers seems to be stalking the streets of DownTown tonight. There has been three reports so far of murders committed by bands of what seem to be 'feral midgets in monks habits'. The killings seem to be random acts so far. See the recent BPN posted for more information (BPN number 176897343XT5). -Freddy Lennon, SCL 4D, Channel 8 reporter
 
 

  The Dentbury Sewer team were in shock this morning after the Operative team "Psycho Koala Claws" completed their BPN with the results everyone was dreading.  The Operative team had been called in on a red to assist a Sewer Team that were trapped in a fallen lift shaft after sabateurs struck while they worked. 
  All 9 of the sewer workers were found dead by the Operative team whose BPN took several days. Hubert, from the team was quoted as saying "it was the most disturbing of all the BPN's me and my team (Ethel, Stormer; Warmonger, Brain Waster; Ripper, Brain Waster and D'Arcy, Human) had even taken". 
  The sewer workers were killed not by the falling lift shaft but by unknown assailants, possibly the sabateurs themselves. 
  The bodies of all the workers were found some 400m away from the lift shaft itself, their bodies testifying to the fall but appearing to have undergone a horrifying chemically induced death by an as yet unknown substance. Department of Pharmacology has yet to issue a statement.
-Augustus Lane, SCL 8C, Channel 8 News
 
 

  The Mort Sports Network makes it's debut with the opening game of Speed Ball. MSN is dedicated to bringing you quality footage of your favorite teams in action. Watch spectacular footage of violence and bloodshed, while cheering for your favorite team from your home. -Sara Bryant, SCL 7B, Mort Times
 
 

  Concreto, the infamous Speedball star, was publicly executed today as a Dark Night subversive. Concreto collapsed while triggering his auto-injector during the second half of the last Speedball match (MSN, Sunday's at 8:00pm). 
  We asked Dr. Klasky at the Karma Institute about the rumors that Concreto suffered an overdose of Blaze UV, "Sheer fantasy. This is exactly the sort of rumors created by Dark Night to decrease confidence in products that are effectively used by SLA Industries employees to help crush them everyday. The so called 'Blaze UV' vial from Concreto's auto-injector had extremely high levels of the deadly drug 'Shatter', it wouldn't have surprised me if the Dark Night conspirators intentionally gave him a lethal concentration so that they could start these 'Blaze O.D.' stories."
  "Blaze UV is as safe to use as ever, in fact I shoot up each evening before I drive home from work to improve my reaction times after a long day. I then either Flip out and listen to Kyuss or trip to the Pit on Alice, and I just got promoted to SCL 4B so I must be doing something right." 
  For more Sports news, check out the sports section.  -Craig Magee, 7C, MSN
 
 

  The ultra hot Concrete Dreams did it again last night, appearing unannounced in the popular watering hole, known as the Pit. When asked to comment on rumors of an impending breakup, their lead singer said, "Bugger off, you bastard! We ain't breaking up."
  The group's surprise appearance immediately drew an audience of several thousand, despite the customary lack of advance publicity.  Shivers were called in to control the crowd.
  "There's really nothing to say.  I'm not going to comment." was all any other member of the group would say in regard to the rumors.
  What ever the truth to the rumor may be, Concrete Dreams is still a musical force to be reckoned with. -Quill, SCL 9, Mort Times
 
 

     Alien Sex Channel
10 pm Animate Feature: Dirty Pair, 
   Pinesalad 
11 pm New Chemical Enhancers
12 pm The Dr. R’th show

    SIC TV 
10 pm Killing Things For Money 
11 pm Highlights of this weeks Gore Zone 
12 pm Double sided, fireman's and picks, 
      Axes for a new generation

    Channel 8
10 pm The adventures of Captain Contract, 
   Burning Water
11 pm Mort's Most Wanted 
12 pm Late Night Movie: 

    MSN
10 pm Speed Ball, Brutal Deluxe vs Violent
   Desire 
11 pm New Parisian Fencing 
12 pm SLA Football League, Parisian
   Lancers vs Orienta Galaxies
 
 

Quill, SCL 9, Mort Times
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Each week we look at one of many people who live and work in the World of Progress.

This week: The Chrome Warrior

MT: Name?
MR: Mike Regan

MT: What prompted you to get chromed?
MR: It was the latest fad. All the Ops were getting hardware installed. You didn't get any camera time, unless you were flashing in the light, because of the chrome.

MT: Then what happened?
MR: The batteries ran out and because of all the problems the cause <points to arm> the medical funds and stores all closed up and left us with useless lubmps of metal instead of limbs.

MT: What did you have replaced?
MR: Full lower body, my right arm and right eye.  You see there legs? Carbon fibre plating with titanium reinforcement, you can't hurt them and I can't more them.

MT: You regret getting the replacements?
MR: Yes, we were best SLA had to offer, till the batteries died.  Now Mr. Slayer has forgotten us.  Even with Karma's limb replacement, we are not rememberber for our duty and service.  So many years  have passed and we don't have the money any more.  So we sit here in Rust Alley, in full view of his office adn wiat for him to notice us again.

MT: Well, thank you for your time.
MR: Do you have any spare change?

  A 5,000 Uni reward is being offered for any information leading to the arrest of Eft Estampida.  Eft is a blonde, human who wears a red trenchcoat, sunglasses and carries a Blitzer.
 
 

  GHOUL, SCL 10, BrainWaster, died while cutting a elevator steel cab in an elevator pit. He cut the WRONG cab and was throw up and down(nasty death).
 
 

This weeks winning numbers are: 
1 3 6 0 5 2 5 5

Jackpot is current 1,000,000u

5 numbers = free ticket. 
            Odds of winning 1 in 32,768
6 numbers = 10u.
            Odds of winning 1 in 262,144
7 numbers = 1000u.
            Odds of winning 1 in 2,097,152
8 numbers = jackpot.
            Odds of winning 1 in 16,777,216

  Do you have what it takes to be a Shiver? Contact you local Shiver Station to apply. Great Pay, good benefits and job security. Help protect Mort and serve SLA Industries. Shiver Station and SLA Industries are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

  Female Albino Burmese, Approx. 6ft, friendly and needs a good home. 400 cred OBO, Contact Karen at 05-876-5881

  News reporters needed. If you have a story, we want to print it.  Serious inquiries only. Contact Eric Larsen at 03-129-4729 

  Daughter looking for long lost mother. mother is named Minja Ha, last known address was in New Paris. Approx age is 47yrs old and has been on Mort for approx 25yrs, please help us!!! Contact Kim Seayun at 08-741-9865

  Serve the Monarch Police and protect your community. Specialized training, career options and plenty of opportunities for advancement is only a phone call away. Contact your local Monarch Police Station and help end the violence.

  Do you have what it takes to make money, survive and claim the admiration of your fellow man. "Shooting Things For Money" is looking for you! Contact Gore zone at 07-STF-MONEY.